Your Mother Dresses You Funny
This game was terrible so I am just going to make fun of the Minnesota Twins that took the field last night.
- Jamey Carroll: You have a girl’s name. You don’t even spell it like the character from television’s hottest show “Game of Thrones.”
- Joe Mauer: You are almost baseball’s version of Tom Brady, just too perfect. You didn’t marry a supermodel but a nurse and are so potent she is expecting twins. And you’re on the Twins. But unlike Brady you have no championships.
- Josh Willingham: You suffer from Clemens syndrome, which means your kids all have names that start with the same letter. Rhett, Ryder, and Rogan sounds cute now but when you are old and senile you will get confused.
- Justin Morneau: No one remembers you won the Home Run Derby in 2008.
- Trevor Plouffe: Despite its silly sound your surname is probably a variant of the German Pflug, which means “plough.” Pretty manly, but your first name is still Trevor.
- Ryan Doumit: Looks like a psycho killer. Qu’est-ce que c’est?
- Chris Parmalee: You win your team’s “name that could be from “Game of Thrones” game” that I play in my head. Your given name would have to be changed to “Chrys,” however.
- Wilkin Ramirez: Now, your first name would win in “name that could be from “Game of Thrones” game” © me.
- Aaron Hicks: I’d make fun of you but we might be related.
- Brian Dozier: I know so little about you I had to Google. The first hit is this interview. He humbly stated he resembled Bradley Cooper.
- Scott Diamond: Maybe if we had a hitter named De Beers we could have cornered the market on this guy.
- Josh Roenicke: Is married to a girl named Nikki. Is she your darling? Where did you meet her?
| Game 33: May 7, 2013 | ||
 Minnesota Twins14-15 |
6 | W: Scott Diamond (3-2) |
| 2B: Ryan Doumit (8), Joe Mauer (9) HR: Doumit (1) | ||
| Boston Red Sox 21-12 |
1 | L: Ryan Dempster (2-3) |
| HR: Jarrod Saltalamacchia (4) | ||
