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Home » June 2007 Game CommentsJune 2007 » Frigid

Frigid

Game 58: June 6, 2007
Red Sox 2 L: Tim Wakefield (5-7) 37-21, 4 game losing streak
14-5-2 series record
WinAthletics 3 W: Joe Kennedy (2-4)
H: Colby Lewis (3)
S: Santiago Casilla (1)
31-27, 4 game winning streak
10-8-2 series record
Highlights: Wakefield had his seventh quality start for 2007 but was left out in the cold by his offense. Hideki Okajima pitched a near-perfect one and one-third inning. Kevin Youkilis lofted a triple in the seventh to plate Manny Ramirez; it was the first baseman’s first three-bagger of the season.

Script for a never-produced Citizens Energy Corporation commercial.

[Black-and-white scene opens with montage of various Red Sox batters sitting, dejected and shivering, in the dugout. ERIC CHAVEZ walks down the line of players handing out green fleece pullovers embroidered with the Athletics logo. The Boston players look at the articles of clothing dejectedly but are so overcome with cold they finally don them. Cut to Red Sox batters in batting practice with “Property of Oakland Athletics” sweatshirts taking batting practice, weakly grounding out pitch after pitch.]

[Fade to color three-quarter shot of JOE KENNEDY, a pitcher for the Oakland Athletics.]

KENNEDY: At Citizens Energy Corporation, a non-profit energy company, we’re constantly seeking out the disadvantaged of the nation to provide them with ways to keep warm. Even if they are our competitors.

[Cut to KENNEDY and other Oakland pitches inducing ground ball outs and double plays.]

KENNEDY: In conjunction with the friendly and nearly democratic government of the Nation of Athletic Supporters, ruled by third baseman Chavez with a golden fist, the Oakland players generate heat for our opponents not via fastballs but by having them futilely ground out at bat after at bat.

[Cut to more sequences of KENNEDY and other Oakland pitches inducing ground ball outs and double plays.]

KENNEDY: [Yells as he comes off the mound while Red Sox try to beat out relays.] Run! Run faster! It’ll keep you warm! That’s it!

[Fade to three-quarter shot]

KENNEDY: The team at Citizens for Energy also explores alternative ways of generating heat.

[Cut to Joe Morgan and Dennis Eckersley burning copies of Michael Lewis’s Moneyball.]

KENNEDY: At Citizens Energy, we believe no one should be left out in the cold.

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