Empyreal Environs

Game 45: May 22, 2007
Red Sox	7	W: Julian Tavarez (3-4) H: Javier Lopez (5)	31-14, 1 game winning streak 12-2-2 series record
Yankees	3	L: Mike Mussina (2-3)	20-24, 1 game losing streak 4-9-2 series record
Highlights: ¡Feliz cumpleaños, Julian! For his birthday, the Red Sox gifted their fifth starter with generous run support and three pairs of Big Papi 2M Mids. Dennis Eckersley is back on the pre- and post-game shows, and he’s back big. Amongst his gems are this one about Roger Clemens: “One million dollars a start?! I’ll go five for that deal.” Not to be forgotten: “I was down on [Kevin Youkilis] because he was in that Moneyball book. I hate everything in that Moneyball book.” Which leads me to believe Hall of Famers have a junto against the supposed over-analysis of baseball. How quaint. Jerry Remy went anecdotal in-game: “I was leaving the park and it was where fans also exit. A Yankee fan spotted me and he said, ‘Getting a little scared now? Remind you of ’78?’ And this is after one game of the series....”

Julian Tavarez was born on May 22, which is on the cusp between Taurus and Gemini. The eccentric one definitely leans towards the mercurial side, so I’d place him under the sign of Hermes. Yesterday Tavarez’s horoscope on Yahoo said:

Quickie:
Try as hard as you can to keep the conversation light today -- avoid big debates.

Overview:
The stars say it’s time to go large or go home. So what are you waiting for? Those plans of yours need implementing, and pronto. Start with small steps and set reasonable goals. You’ll be there before you know it.

See how accurate and precise astrology is? Obviously Tavarez’s plan of action was to shut down one of the most potent lineups in the American League, a sensible hope. He proceeded to do so by no-hitting them through three and one-third innings of work. Baby steps, indeed.

Tavarez didn’t complain about Ed Hickox’s strike zone, quite unlike how Derek Jeter did for the final two outs of the game, so he obviously followed the “quickie” advice provided. So, the Red Sox started compiled four walks over five and two-thirds innings while striking out only two batters.

Manny Ramirez, born on May 30, was also born under the sign of the twins. He went large and went home in the first inning with Kevin Youkilis and David Ortiz on base, granting his fellow Gemini an early lead.

As a Sagittarian, yesterday Mike Mussina’s outlook was hazy:

Quickie:
Today you’ll be happy to sacrifice any short-term gains for long-term growth.

Overview:
A sense of fun comes back into your life, and just in the nick of time. Of course, when you want to have fun, everyone wants in on the action. It might be tough trying to work with these numbers, but you can do it.

So, in the short-term Mussina lost the game but in the long-term perhaps throwing in the mid-80s preserved the veteran’s arms for future mediocre starts later in the season. Oddly enough, despite the wretched velocity, Boston batters were the ones who had a tough time with the Yankee starter. The score could have, and should have been, much worse than it turned out to be and Mussina was fortunate to have lasted the six and two-thirds innings he did.

The prediction did miss on one aspect: “fun” is a foreign concept in Mussina’s life.

The stars preordained Alex Rodriguez’s collision with Dustin Pedroia in the eighth inning. Both are Leos, moreover Pedroia was born in the year of the pig and Rodriguez in the year of the rabbit, two of the most compatible signs in the Chinese zodiac. Rodriguez was manifesting his latent jealousy that Pedroia, Rodriguez’s perfect match, is already bound to another in matrimony. The third baseman’s unrequited feelings are a bit like how little boys pull the pigtails of their puppy loves.

Chin up, Alex! This year is the year of the pig and an auspicious one for you: “Your finances are secure. If you deal with money directly you are likely to increase your wealth.”

No amount of divination could have foretold that the Red Sox’s crosstown companions, the Celtics, would have suffered the worse possible outcome in the NBA’s draft lottery last night. Just as Tavarez loaded the bases in the fourth with two out, ESPN explained the arcane rules driving the lottery, and they were surely more complex than graphing one’s natal chart.

Galaxies clashed and Tavarez flung a wild pitch not even in the same sphere as his backstop. Hideki Matsui scored on the errant throw as statistical chaos in Secaucus erupted.

As the Celtics’ doom was pronounced, Jeter hung over home plate (as is his wont) with the bases loaded and one out in the fifth. Shock over the boys in green’s tumble from second worst record to fifth pick barely subsided when the Yankees shortstop grounded to his Red Sox counterpart to notch the fielder’s choice RBI.

The Red Sox lineup tacked on three runs in the seventh in large part because of Coco Crisp’s speed. Crisp was born in the year of the goat and that is its own punchline. Perhaps sensing fan frustration with his performance and knowing that Jacoby Ellsbury has been coming on like gangbusters, Crisp ignored his advice outright (“Do not tempt fate by doing anything foolish that will jeopardize or inflame your health situation today.”)

Crisp ran the bases with abandon in that inning. He avoided being erased from first, Robinson Cano and Jeter both rushing on the outfielder’s ground ball because they knew how fast he is. Crisp swiped second with Julio Lugo at the plate and scored on the shortstop’s liner to right.

“A melodramatic colleague is trying to cast you in a personal soap opera. Say no!” stated Mike Lowell’s quickie forecast. I believe colleague refers to Rodriguez, his opposite number at third. Lowell’s fourth inning quadrangular dramatically recoiled off the foul pole netting.

Youkilis (also a Pisces; their overview: “You’re a social butterfly. In fact, you might be an entire social menagerie! That appointment calendar of yours is nearly bursting at the seams. Normally you love peace and quiet, but right now this suits you just fine.”) has been flitting about, chumming up with second basemen on many different teams lately has he been on a two-bagger binge. Last night was not an exception as he proved against Mussina.

The Scorpian Ortiz’s prognostication, “Normally, you’re very vigilant about keeping your boundaries well tended, but those protective walls have fallen by the wayside.” This definitely speaks to Ortiz’s increasing tendency to use all parts of the field. His RBI single off Mike Myers was lined to right-center this time, but in the first inning he held back on a pitch and launched it into the opposite field for a single.

My astrologically-based prediction for Curt Schilling and the final game of this series? “You will overcome hardship in your work. Typically, you speak before thinking, but now is the time for action. Defense of a colleague will lead to accolades.” So yes, I do anticipate a Rodriguez plunking tonight. You don’t need a chart to figure that one out.