Bitter
Game 124: August 21, 2006
Yankees (75-48), 2
Red Sox (69-55), 1
W: Cory Lidle (10-9)
H: Octavio Dotel (1)
H: Mike Myers (12)
H: Scott Proctor (18)
S: Kyle Farnsworth (2)
L: David Wells (2-3)
Fuck you, Yankees pitching staff, for making me type each of your names for your fucking holds for this game. A useless statistic.
Fuck you, fourth inning bases-loaded futility, symbolized by Javy Lopez.
Fuck you, Bobby Abreu, with your two-out RBI double in the sixth for the first run of the game.
Fuck you, Brian Cashman, and bottomless pit of cash at your disposal. You and your organization are the epitome of all that is amiss in baseball. The Deus ex machinations you execute to contrive lineups that would be ridiculous in video games are abominable.
Fuck you, Nick Green and Robinson Cano, for not letting me enjoy your sixth inning error. Especially fuck Green, who led off the eighth with a double and scored the go-ahead run on a wild pitch by Keith Foulke.
Fuck you, David Wells, for not telling Terry Francona to shove it when he came to get you in the eighth. You should have pulled a Schilling-like tantrum. Your fat ass would be out there for nine innings and your team would be headed for the West Coast on a somewhat high note. I don’t blame you if you stayed in California and retired.
Fuck you, Javy Lopez, with your utter lack of agility behind the plate. May you be relegated to catching Tim Wakefield’s simulated games for the rest of the season. Also, fuck your weak grounders, pop ups, and flails at the ball.
Fuck you, Manny Ramirez. Sure, you were one of the few bright spots during this series, but how bad is your hamstring, really? In the postgame interview, Terry Francona said, “I don’t want guys that wanna come out of the game” in reference to David Wells. A veiled reference to his left fielder?
Fuck you, Johnny Damon, and fuck your cheesy mustache, too. I don’t care if you make AL Player of the Month. You’ll be playing like the overpaid stiff you are next season.
Fuck you, Coco Crisp, and your 1-for-19 showing. You can start being better than Damon any time now. We’re waiting.
Fuck you, Joe Torre, for bringing in Damon as a defensive replacement for Bernie Williams. That is like replacing a hole-ridden condom for prayer as birth control.
Fuck you, Mike Lowell, and your declining production.
Fuck you, blimp pilot. You look way too fucking happy up there in your asinine blimp. Perhaps NESN will make a bobbleblimp.
Fuck you, Scott Proctor, and your Tom Gordon/Paul Quantrill impersonation. May you be just as toasted as they were in the postseason.
Fuck you, Wily Mo Peña, for not hitting that eight inning home run last night, too.
Fuck you, Kyle Farnsworth, for being Kyle Farnsworth.
Fuck you, Red Sox, for being swept at home in a five-game series for the first time since 1943.
Comments
Don't hold back - tell us how you really feel...
Fiskian Pole Shot ∙ 21 August 2006 ∙ 6:55 PM
Fuck you, Fiskian Pole Shot, for your utter lack of reading comprehension.
Joanna ∙ 21 August 2006 ∙ 6:58 PM
That's funny, I don't care who you are...
Fiskian Pole Shot ∙ 21 August 2006 ∙ 7:00 PM
Fuck you to the phrase fuck you. Yea I got nothing else to add.
Therron ∙ 21 August 2006 ∙ 7:41 PM
That is an utterly fantastic post. I had to throw and excerpt from it into my latest blog. Fully equipped with a trackback so other people can come and enjoy this.
Dave ∙ 21 August 2006 ∙ 9:46 PM
Fuck you, Therron and Dave, and your comments. ;)
I'm watching ESPN's SportsCenter, which makes me even angrier.
Fuck you, purveyors of the phrase "Boston Massacre II." There's a fucking wild card now.
Joanna
∙ 21 August 2006 ∙
11:05 PM
best and most honest blog post ive read all year...thank you
Ryan ∙ 21 August 2006 ∙ 11:22 PM
Fuck you, Ryan.
I mean, thank you for reading.
Joanna ∙ 22 August 2006 ∙ 9:44 AM
Well it's not up to your fucking normal level of fucking writing, but I fucking think it gets the fucking point across about how fucking fucked up this fucking weekend was. What a fucking disaster.
Oh and fuck you empy ;)(just a little pre-emptive strike).
Well at least I have the Rooters outing to look forward to, and I'll be able to stay a lot longer this time. Fuck Yeah!!!
edmund dantes ∙ 22 August 2006 ∙ 11:17 AM
Fuck you, Ed. I look forward to telling you "fuck you" to your face at the outing. ;)
Joanna
∙ 22 August 2006 ∙
12:32 PM
Fuck you to all of those who are going to the outing. :) Since I cannot be there I have to make my presence known somehow and I feel a fuck you will do that best :)
Therron ∙ 23 August 2006 ∙ 1:22 AM
You forgot to include the etymology. I got it. It's my gift to you for a near-perfect recap of 5 lost days. (I'd have added "fuck you, the corpse of gabe kapler for playing too deep on Jeter with two outs in the 9th and the tying run on second".)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fuck
or if you prefer:
http://www.m-w.com/dictionary/fuck
Fuck, this was as funny as that entire series was fucking painful.
yazgoesbacklookingupitsgone ∙ 23 August 2006 ∙ 8:44 AM
Fuck you, Therron, yet again. I get the feeling you enjoy this. Which is odd for someone that seems to think he's too good to mingle with his fellow Rooters for an outing.
Fuck you, yazgoesbacklookingupitsgone. Your name is inherently depressing. You obviously take perverse joy in the misery of others. ;)
Fuck you, yazgoesbacklookingupitsgone's geekiness, as well. Sure, you cite the actual etymology of the word "fuck." But I'm going to spread the falsehood that "fuck" stands for "For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge."
Fuck you, facts.
Joanna ∙ 23 August 2006 ∙ 3:05 PM
Fuck the overuse of my name in this entry and replies following it. No actually its just Therron again. I just want to clear up the facts. If it was not the beginning of the school semester and I was not broke from paying for dorms at USF(University of South Florida) I would consider going to an outing but Florida is far away. :)
Fuck ∙ 23 August 2006 ∙ 5:13 PM
Fuck you, USF. Some famous graduates of Therron's school:
- Chucky Atkins
- Mark Consuelos (Kelly Ripa's husband)
- Gallagher
- Kenyatta Jones
- Joybubbles
- Debra Lafave
- Tony LaRussa
- Ruth Paine (Wife of Lee Harvey Oswald)
You could have been with us, but instead you chose education.Fuck you, education.
Joanna ∙ 23 August 2006 ∙ 7:29 PM
Fuck Youkilis, is what many of my female friends would like to do.
..I think I'm doing this wrong.
Matt ∙ 23 August 2006 ∙ 8:14 PM
Fuck you, Matt. When it comes to fucking, you probably are doing it wrong.
If at all.
(^_^)
Joanna ∙ 23 August 2006 ∙ 8:36 PM
Fuck you, vaguely anime-inspired "j/k" emoticon. Too bad for you that you can't emasculate someone who is 100% pure man, for I would simply cease to exist.
And also, an a completely unrelated note:
Fuck you, women who aren't having sex with me.
Matt ∙ 23 August 2006 ∙ 9:28 PM