Empyreal Environs

Game 82: July 5, 2006
Red Sox (50-32), 2
Devil Rays (38-47), 5
L: Jason Johnson (3-10)
W: Tim Corcoran (1-0)
H: Chad Harville (2)
H: Jon Switzer (2)
S: Brian Meadows (4)

Jason Johnson has the opposite record of Curt Schilling. In so many other ways he is Schilling’s antithesis with his career 4.98 ERA and 773 strikeouts versus Schilling’s 3.41 and 2,941. One positive: Johnson has given up eight less homers than Schilling, 10 compared to 18.

But the Rays (not the Devil Rays any longer, perhaps because of the resurgence of the angelfish-based initiatives) didn’t need home runs to beat the Red Sox for the third consecutive game. AL East elitists like to label Tampa Bay as cellar dwellers, but they are in pace with the Orioles in one of the toughest divisions in baseball. They are last in the AL in team OBP with .315 but are tied for eighth with the Mariners with .415 in slugging percentage. “The Mariners?! So what?” you may think. Seattle is currently in third in the AL West but is pressuring Oakland and Texas by keeping them within sight for the division lead.

One amusing incident in this game was Mike Lowell intentionally muffing Ty Wigginton’s line drive to attempt to turn a triple play. The second inning continued on, however, as third base umpire Paul Nauert was having nothing to do with Lowell’s shenanigans. Lowell looked like a kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar. One day I’m certain the third baseman will turn an unassisted triple play with some sort of deluxe deke. He’ll follow up that history-making play (no third baseman has ever accomplished an unassisted triple play) with a hidden ball trick to end the game.

In other news, prompted by hitting a shot off the non-home run catwalk in the third inning and being called out as Carl Crawford played the rebound, Kevin Youkilis has announced the founding of Homes Not Domes, a coalition of baseball players dedicated to the abolition of indoor baseball. Youkilis will serve as president and David Ortiz has been tapped as vice president. Notably, certain members of the Red Sox, such as Tim Wakefield, are not supporters of this endeavor but do not begrudge them the creation of this organization.

Homes Not Domes is currently attempting to select a slogan. The choices are:

1. Sunshine Not Speakers.
2. Raze the Roof.
3. Reign in the Sunshine.
4. Only you can prevent bogus baseball.
5. Schnooked by a Ceiling.