Empyreal Environs

Game 77: June 30, 2006
Red Sox (48-29), 2
Marlins (35-41), 5
L: Jason Johnson (3-9)
W: Dontrelle Willis (5-7)
H: Randy Messenger (6)
S: Joe Borowski (15)

Somehow Julian Tavarez and Rudy Seanez managed to execute a suck transplant from their arms to Jason Johnson before his start last night. It is typically a complicated, extensive procedure, but Johnson seemed to be able to assimilate the combined suckage from the bullpen mates with unusual alacrity. The journeyman starter quickly gave up five run in the first two innings, showing that he probably had pre-existing pockets of suck that readily combined with the introduced suck.

Said procedure allowed Tavarez and Seanez to combine for three scoreless innings. The unfortunate aspect of suck transplants, however, is that they are rarely permanent. Nature abhors a vacuum, and those who suck likely always will. See Bob Stanley.

Former Red Sox prospect Hanley Ramirez went two for four with two runs scored, a walk, and a strikeout. In light of how well Mike Lowell rebounded from his atrocious production in 2005 and Alex Gonzalez’s recent success at the plate, no longer having the younger Ramirez on the farm feels like less of a loss for the time being. In fact, the change of scenery may have benefited both the Red Sox and the shortstop. There were rumors of Ramirez’s lack of work ethic while in the minors. I give him the benefit of the doubt and equate his situation to a very gifted child in a class of his peers in age who simply isn’t challenged by the material provided and becomes bored.

Miamians, if they cared, have an exciting club to watch develop. Miguel Cabrera is the wizened veteran of the team with his three years of MLB experience and he’s only 23 years old. In addition to Ramirez, Jeremy Hermida and Dan Uggla, a Rule 5 pick, round out the young standouts of the Marlins. The “fans” will come out in droves when this team wins the World Series again and they’ll pretend that they watched these players ever since they were small fry. Then their stars will be released to swim bigger oceans. It’s the circle of life, Florida Marlins style.

The organist at Dolphin Stadium is canny. In the seventh inning he played a snippet of “Puff the Magic Dragon” with Coco Crisp at the dish. Coco... Puff. Somewhere in San Diego, Mark Bellhorn smiled.

David Ortiz titillated in the ninth with a deep fly ball that would have kept his team at bat, but it was nabbed by Hermida just at the lip of the wall. Boston’s third-longest win streak was snapped at a dozen, although they did break the record for error-free games with their total of 17.