Empyreal Environs

Game 95: July 21, 2006
Red Sox (59-36), 9
Mariners (45-51), 4
W: Kyle Snyder (2-1)
L: Jamie Moyer (5-9)

Every game the Red Sox play against Jamie Moyer or the Mariners invariably leads to discussions about the fateful trades between the two teams:

• August 17, 1986: Red Sox trade shortstop Rey Quinones and pitcher Mike Trujillo to Mariners for shortstop Spike Owen and outfielder Dave Henderson
• July 30, 1996: Boston acquires a leadoff hitter when the Mariners trade outfielder Darren Bragg to the Red Sox in exchange for Jamie Moyer
• July 31, 1997: Mariners send Derek Lowe and Jason Varitek to Red Sox for Heathcliff Slocumb

In addition to these trades, David Ortiz was originally signed by Seattle before he was traded in a deal to bring third baseman Dave Hollins from the Twins. The deal was made on August 29, 1996 for a player to be named later, and Ortiz, then known as David Arias, was named on September 13, 1996.

Fittingly, in a town where fish are hurled at Pike Place Fish Market, Moyer threw a school of dead mackerel to his opponents. Five hitters, Ortiz, Alex Gonzalez, Jason Varitek, Kevin Youkilis, and Manny Ramirez, hit four-baggers, with the shortstop’s, the acting third baseman’s, and the left fielder’s coming with a man on. The ancient Mariner reminds me of Tim Wakefield: no matter the score, they carry the same stoic expression and demeanor. Derek Lowe and Jeff Weaver types would do well to mimic them.

Kyle Snyder counted his second win in a Red Sox uniform with his five-inning performance. He accumulated two each of earned runs, walks, and strikeouts while nudging his ERA into the single-digit range. With the offensive barrage his team provided, Rudy Seanez could have come in for a stint. Okay, well, that’s overstating the lead a bit. I was inspired by a fellow poster on the Royal Rooters message board in yesterday’s game thread and came up with this:

Snyderman, Snyderman
Does whatever a Snyder can
Hurls a gem, anytime
Catches flies just like... flies
Look out!
Here comes the Snyderman

Is he good?
Listen dude
He’s got a good attitude
Can he pitch from the stretch?
Better than Gil Meche
Hey, there
There goes the Snyderman

In the chill of night
At the scene with a gun
Like a streak of light
He’s the one with earned runs

Snyderman, Snyderman
Friendly neighborhood Snyderman
Wealth and fame
He’s ignored
Spot starting is his reward

To him, life is a great big hors d’oeuvre
Whenever there’s a hanging curve
You’ll find the Snyderman

In other news, this past offseason Wally went to Europe. While he was there he hung with Cameron Diaz. Wally is so much more cosmopolitan than that parochial Raymond, who has never been outside of the North American continent and believes Joe Maddon to be the apotheosis of field managers.