Empyreal Environs

Game 2: April 4, 2006
Red Sox (1-1), 4
Rangers (1-1), 10
L: Tim Wakefield (0-1)
W: Vicente Padilla (1-0)

I blame Josh Bard’s helmet. That monstrosity belongs only on a sheet of ice in front of a net, not on the diamond. The Baseball Gods are not pleased with the debasement of the sacred baseball field, and they exacted payment in the form of three passed balls by Bard and three home runs relinquished by three different Red Sox pitchers. Bard, do yourself and the team a favor: go see Captain Varitek for new tools of ignorance.

Coco Crisp had his fans asking “Johnny Damon who?” with his three for five outing. He scored half of the runs in the Red Sox paltry night of production and both times he led off the inning he got on base with singles. Also, isn’t it nice to see an outfielder that can get the ball back into the infield without a bounce? Someone should send a video clip of this method to Joe Torre because it’s been years since he’s witnessed it on his own team.

At 35 years old, Rangers designated hitter Phil Nevin has been reborn in Texas. After falling off the map in Petco’s vastness and further hampered by injury, Nevin proved hit fitness with a three-run home run in the first inning.

In the sixth inning the Red Sox ended the Rangers’ bid for a shutout with David Ortiz’s RBI double to score Crisp. Trot Nixon drove in Crisp in the eighth. Nixon’s platoon partner Wily Mo Peña made his team debut with a fly ball to right to drive in Alex Cora. Peña would later score on Mark Loretta’s single to left.

Manny Ramirez struck out three times and looked uncharacteristically befuddled against Padilla, but despite what you may read at Boston Dirt Dogs, news of the death of Manny’s bat has been greatly exaggerated. Looking ahead, Ramirez bats 1.00 against tonight’s starter, Kameron D. Loe. Sure, it’s just one at bat, but with that middle initial and homophonic last name reminiscent of a certain former Red Sox starter gives one confidence.

The Rangers had the bases loaded with no out in the eighth inning after relief pitcher cum ultimate fighter Rudy Seanez walked two hitters and allowed a hit. Seanez pitched inside to Nevin, forcing the Ranger to hit the deck. Seanez stayed in to strike out Hank Blalock and get the next two outs.

Let that be lesson: do not anger Seanez or the Baseball Gods.