Ah, Humor! (Arr! Arr!)
Humor being in the brain of the beholder, I am not wont to criticize others for their forays into the realm of comedy. (And why should I, especially since I have a category labeled “Humor,” which is about as subtle as adding a laugh track to a sitcom.) But I came across this Red State entry that likens certain Red Sox players to Republican figures which for me fell somewhere between an episode of "Small Wonder" and a Jeff Foxworthy monologue on the scale of amusement. One definitely needs to be on the author’s side of the political spectrum to get a chuckle out of the piece. Instead of partisan persiflage, I prefer to engage in breakfast badinage.
Curt Schilling: Western omelette with lots of ham.
Manny Ramirez: It would have been easy to say something like Froot Loops, but I actually learned about yaniqueques and mangú.
Terry Francona: Creampuff. Light as air, but after long exposure his lessons stick with you.
Theo Epstein: Waffles.
David Wells: One dozen Krispy Kreme hot originals. And a beer.
Mike Lowell: Oat bran muffin in the “day olds” bin, except not as cheap.
Keith Foulke: Oatmeal. Plain at first blush, but you can add ingredients to change things up. Allegedly reduces the risk of heart disease.
David Ortiz: Remember when you had pancakes and made a smiley face out of syrup and used pats of butter for the eyes? That’s Big Papi.
Jason Varitek: Three eggs over easy, two pieces of toast with butter (not margarine), bacon, and link sausage.
Jonathan Papelbon and Craig Hansen: Organic dried blueberry granola and green tea. They usher in the New Age of breakfasts, replete with anti-aging properties.
Alex Rodriguez: He’s toast.
Comments
Nice job.
Theo waffles indeed.
But you've now bad-mouthed Mike Myers and Small Wonder within 24 hours. We may need to go to counseling.
jere ∙ 23 February 2006 ∙ 9:29 AM
Intersting, that you'd file this entry under "Quirky Things" and not "Humor".
Oh, and you are crazy if you think David Ortiz is anything but a hearty omelet doused with mango salsa. Crazy, I say. I love pancakes, but David Ortiz has too much flavor for just that.
Of course, with the proper skill, I'll bet you could make a happy face omelet.
And where was the easiest of easy punchlines?: You do a breakfast themed Red Sox article without a single mention of Coco Crisp? How does that even happen?
NU50 ∙ 23 February 2006 ∙ 10:59 AM
I made this post more as a response to the Red State piece rather than humor on its own. Did anyone click through on that? Did you think it was as lame as I did?
As for the Coco Crisp omission: some bloggers have never met a punchline they wouldn't pass by. NU50 is one of those bloggers. Furthermore, there isn't an American product with the name "Coco Crisp." There's Cocoa Rice Krispies (note the "K" and the diminutive ending) and Cocoa Puffs, but nothing exactly eponymous with the new Red Sox centerfielder.
Time for me to fess up: I wrote this at approximately 3 AM Hawai'i time and Crisp slipped my mind.
I may relent on the Myers dissage, but not the "Small Wonder" issue. But since Jere liked it, I feel compelled to list the lyrics of that now-departed sitcom.
She's a small wonder
Pretty and bright with soft curls
She's a small wonder
A girl unlike unlike other girls
She's a miracle, and I grant you
She'll enchant you at her sight
She's a small wonder
And she'll make your heart take flight
She's fantastic, made of plastic
Microchips here and there
She's a small wonder, brings love and laughter everywhere
Joanna
∙ 23 February 2006 ∙
12:53 PM
Wow, awesome post. Yeah, that Red State article is pretty amazingly terrible. (Go there often?) While the author knows something about the Red Sox, he/she is pretty blind to the his/her idols in the Republican party. Of course, if you try make a list which invovles a more realistic depiction of the various politicans mentioned, the analogies with Red Sox players no longer work too well:
Manny Ramirez: Dick Cheney. Shot a 78-year old man in the face.
etc.
Earl ∙ 23 February 2006 ∙ 2:09 PM
I definitely do not visit there often, Earl. It just popped up in the news ticker today and I felt compelled to expose the insufferably bad sense of humor rightwingers have.
Joanna
∙ 23 February 2006 ∙
3:55 PM
"Some bloggers have never met a punchline they wouldn't pass by. NU50 is one of those bloggers."
Are you calling me a comedic hack? Because I'd have to work way harder to even be considered that.
But honestly, I don't know who missed the easier layup, you, or the Republican who didn't use "Trot Nixon".
NU50 ∙ 23 February 2006 ∙ 4:05 PM
All those Sox-GOP analogies left me feeling kind of dirty. Equating Papi to W is just really really sad. I second the notion that Papi is best represented in the food world by the mango salsa omelet.
Adam ∙ 23 February 2006 ∙ 5:44 PM
Small Wonder: about ten years ago it was on TBS at 3 AM. Chan and Gumby and I used stay up every night that summer and watch that show. It's quite amusing at that hour. And the dad (Harriet's dad, not Jamie and Vickie's dad, Ted Lawson) went on to star on Chappelle's Show. Just being able to watch Jamie's acting and making fun of it was worth the price of admission. (Free.)
jere ∙ 23 February 2006 ∙ 11:40 PM
My favorite quote regarding Small Wonder is "Either's she's a robot or she's f*cking crazy!" from I Love the 80's. But a close second being "They were high when they came up with that show...but not as high as the guys who passed it and let it go on TV"....yes I watched too much I Love the 80's
Oh and David Wells' breakfast needs to involve cake too!
Piney ∙ 24 February 2006 ∙ 1:35 AM
If you don't have Trot Nixon then your blog could use some fixin'....
I also could have mentioned a Baby Ruth candy bar for Wells.
My sister, who is almost ten years younger than me, watched and loved "Small Wonder" completely unironically.
Speaking of high, I'm on Maui until this Sunday. Not that I am high, mind you, but since the island is known for high-quality pakalolo (marijuana), I have some funny stories to relate at some point.
Joanna
∙ 24 February 2006 ∙
8:40 AM
Theo = waffles is an instant classic. Brilliant.
The "Red State" post made me physically ill by the way. Very lame.
BlackJack ∙ 24 February 2006 ∙ 10:35 AM
I think Keith Foulke's 2005 was Boo-Berry cereal. Most places only carry Boo-Berry around Halloween. So all summer you are left thinking "what ever happened to that awesome thing I had last October?"
And if I have a writing specialty I am particularly adept at, it is the "what stuff would be if it were other stuff" field.
NU50 ∙ 24 February 2006 ∙ 8:51 PM
There is no wrong amount of food to throw into David Wells' breakfast, provided you just keep adding stuff.
And I strongly feel that the Papi pancake should have chocolate chips.
Boston fan in Michigan ∙ 26 February 2006 ∙ 2:00 AM