Empyreal Environs

Game 105: August 2, 2005
Royals (38-68), 4
Red Sox (60-45), 6
BS, L: Ambiorix Burgos (2,1-4)
W: Tim Wakefield (10-9)
H: Mike Timlin (20)
S: Curt Schilling (6)

Manny Ramirez has adopted the “Manny being Manny” phrase, absconding with a sign emblazoned with his new motto before the game started. At the beginning of this season, everyone was “turning the page,” and now we’ve turned a new leaf to leave this melodrama behind.

In the 4th inning, Runelvys Hernandez walked Edgar Renteria and David Ortiz, setting the board perfectly for Ramirez. Like my cousin beating me at checkers when we were kids by being crowned to return as a king to conquer my peasant pieces, Manny jumps over his inferiors with ease. His 3-run bomb to center field in the 4th inning kept his team in the game. It’s just Manny being superhumanny.

Democracies supplant empires and monarchies, history has taught us that. A nation of equals will overcome the dusty duchies and moribund that represent the dissipated vigor of royals. Tonight was no different. Despite Kansas City securing an early lead, Boston prevailed. All of the Royals’ RBIs were the result of former Red Sox organization players’ homers: Matt Stairs in the 1st inning with Chip Ambres and Mike Sweeney on base and Ambres in the 3rd with a solo shot.

Ambiorix: it’s a moisturizer, an herbal supplement, and a relief pitcher all in one! Tonight he actually increased the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles because he had me smiling and laughing in the 7th inning. Not as much as Manny’s sign hijinks, but what can compare to that?

Burgos started the inning by giving up a base on balls to Jose Cruz, Jr. in his first at bat with his new team. Adam “Fiver” Stern pinch ran for the newcomer, a fortuitous move by Terry Francona. Tony Graffanino singled to right field and Fiver was able to score from first. Honestly, these new guys are such suck-ups, doing all this productive stuff to get wins and things. Johnny Damon felt so intimidated by them, he hit an RBI single of his own to center, and Ramirez followed suit. Boston completed its 28th come from behind win.

Happy birthday to winning pitcher Tim Wakefield, who now holds sole possession of third place for wins in a Red Sox uniform, surpassing Mel Parnell. His 124 wins trail only Cy Young and Roger Clemens, who both have 192. In 7 innings, Wakefield’s performance comprised 6 hits, 4 earned runs, no walks, 7 strikeouts, 2 home runs, and pure class.