Empyreal Environs

Game 35: May 13, 2005
Red Sox (21-14), 7
Mariners (14-21), 14
L: Jeremi Gonzalez (1-1)
W: Julio Mateo (1-0)

That’s odd. All the wins, losses, and scores for this game are divisible by 7. Man is 5, the devil is 6, god is 7. You can say it’s 7, even though I see 11.

Theo Epstien was featured in the brilliantly named pre-game segment “Inside Your Sox.” There were many interviews with his family members and video from his childhood. I can imagine Epstein’s mom handing over the videos to the segment producer happily and the evil gleam in the eyes of the NESN crew. Larry Lucchino told the story he always tells about how Epstein impressed him as an intern with the San Diego Padres by proposing an event to celebrate the Negro Leagues. “You’re judged in life by your entrances and your exits,” said Lucchino.

The 1st inning was an entrance to be forgotten. Trot Nixon was put out with the unusual combination of 8-4 at 2nd base for the second out because an umpire incorrectly indicated that center fielder Jeremy Reed made the catch. To kill this inning, Manny Ramirez got the third out at 3rd with an almost Suppan-like play.

It would be masochistic to go over this game any further, but I wanted to point out that Cla Meredith’s ERA is 27.00. In fact, nearly every pitcher who made an appearance in this game (Gonzalez, John Halama, Meredith, and Keith Foulke, but excluding Matt Mantei) have ERAs above 6. The devil is 6.

And, because I’m a sadist on occasion, here are Dan Roche’s jokes from the evening. This was the most entertaining part of the game, which should tell you something.

Q: What does the dentist of the year get awarded?
A: A little plaque.

Q: Why did the banana go to the hospital?
A: He wasn’t peeling well.

Q: When is a traffic light like a former president?
A: When it’s Abe Lincoln.