Empyreal Environs

Game 2: April 5, 2005
Red Sox (0-2), 3
Yankees (2-0), 4
L: Keith Foulke (0-1)
BS, W: Mariano Rivera (1, 1-0)

Closer this time. It was tied going into the bottom of the ninth inning, thanks to another blown save by closer Mariano Rivera. Jason Varitek evened it up in the top of the last inning by homering off Mariano Rivera, who had flashes of mortality last year, and now suddenly seems human like the rest of us.

Someone who is so far inhuman against us is Hideki Matsui. A Wiener Whiner Line caller claims he might in fact be a robot, but I won’t descend to that level of humor. In nine at bats, he has six hits (2 of them home runs), struck out only once, and hasn’t had a base on balls. Today he was 3 for 4 with 2 RBIs. As I said before, far too comfortable at the plate. Perhaps tomorrow Tim Wakefield’s pitches can confound him.

Derek Jeter hit the game-winning home run off of Keith Foulke, to the opposite field, no less. Foulke did fall behind 3-0, but he got it back to a full count. Jeter fouled off one pitch, and then used his inside-out swing to deposit the ball in the short right field porch.

In trying times like these, it always helps to talk with your Mom. What would Mom say to the starting nine and pitchers?

• “Johnny, I’m proud that you wrote that book and all, but they pay you to be a center fielder. Go out there and play like the former All-Star you are. How you got to be one with that noodle arm I’ll never know. Oh, and when will you cut that hair! As God is my witness....”
• “Christopher Trotman Nixon, you come here right now! You run off your mouth all offseason, and now look. 0 for 4 and 2 strikeouts. Grounding into a double play and leaving men on in scoring position. You just wait until your father gets home.”
• “Now, where did my beads go? I was going to use them for my macrame proj... Manny, what’s that in your...? Oh, no. What am I going to do with you? Just... just go outside and practice hitting. Go! Now!”
• “David, you’re my favorite. Here, have some more ice cream. Of course it’s your favorite: Green Monster Mint from Hood.”
• “Now Kevin, that was indeed a great double play you had in the fifth. But don’t think you can rest on your laurels. Hold on a second, come here. What’s that I smell on your breath? Jack Daniels...?”
• “Edgar. Enrique. Renteria. To your room. No dinner. No Playstation. Straight to your room.”
• “You look so good in that uniform with the “C” and everything. Okay, now smile. Smile, I said! I’m sending this picture to everyone this Christmas.”
• “Where did Billy go? He went 3 for 4 with a run and had some nice defensive plays, I wanted to reward him. Oh, he’s helping little old ladies across the street. Such a sweet boy.”
• “He’s up there burning incense again and listening to Pink Floyd. Damn hippie kid. But he did go 2 for 4, so I can’t smack him around.”
• “As for the pitching staff. Well, everyone gets an extra piece of cake... except Keith.”

Tomorrow, the Red Sox try not to get swept in their first series. And, for heaven’s sake, you’ll lose an eye playing with that. Someone’s going to end up crying....